In Women We Trust

INSIDE: Dining for Women with founder, Marsha Wallace

In our quest to understand how new women’s groups work together and what business can learn from them, we’re talking with the group’s founders. Today, we hear from Marsha Wallace the founder of Dining for Women which has been featured on Good Morning America plus in magazines such as Women’s Day, Quick and Simple and in Real Simple, which ironically is how she first got the idea.

The Start?

“In 2002 I was reading an article in Real Simple about a group of social workers who decided that they liked getting together for dinner. Rather than go to a restaurant, however, they potlucked at someone’s house and then took the cash they saved and put it towards a charity. They had so much fun that they did it every month. I thought about it and knew that I had to expand the concept and use it to help women in third world countries. I started Dining for Women with a small group here in 2003.”

Why third world projects?

“I chose to focus on the third world because so much is already being done here in the US and there are few social support systems overseas. These are women and children who are desperate for food, water, shelter, medical attention or just a chance to learn a marketable skill. Also, the money we raised wouldn’t go far here, but it makes a massive impact there.”

Just how big is Dining for Women and how much do you raise each month?

“So far over 75 people have applied to start their own groups and we have 35 nationwide chapters running. At this time we’re averaging $3500-5000 a month, after pooling all the contributions together. Then we send 100% of the cash to that month's highlighted organization."

So how do you chose the recipient and what is a meeting like?

“If you go to www.diningforwomen.org, you’ll see an overview of what each chapter leader gets - it starts with research. We want to make sure that the money will be well spent and make sure that 75% or more of the cash goes directly to the program. Some of the organizations we’ve funded are Childreach, Growth Through Learning, and Trickle up… there’s a whole list on the site. We then put together a Program Fact Sheet that includes: information about the country, demographics and the mission of the project. We also want to know how they measure success. 

For fun and to help us better connected, we add recipes from the country; maybe provide links to tangible items they sell like the Rwanda Peace Baskets. Ultimately we want to provide maybe a DVD or a short video they can watch… these are the kind of things that connect women on a deeper level. The educational component is really important to our mission and efforts to connect women and not perpetuate the victim/helper mentality."

So how do you manage operational expenses?

“This is a volunteer organization, me included, but I want it to be sustainable and so we’re looking at grants and sponsorships to keep it strong. The money that each individual woman gives, however, goes directly to the monthly cause.”

Do members have to participate and pay a set fee?

“No, we like to make the dinners easy, fun and optional. We’re just happy that the women are coming, learning about other women around the world and are willing to contribute towards their future. Groups range from 10 to 125 people and there is no minimum or maximum on how much you can give or how often you have to participate. Groups are fluid, women come and go as their time permits. We have a new group running in Corvalis, OR that happened because of a woman who wanted to meet like-minded women. She had recently moved to town and didn’t know anyone, so she posted fliers, held a potluck and now she has lots of new friends."

Do you have a success story to share?

“We help one, tiny little organization in India called Matrichaya for mother and child. It has no paid employees, and was started by a woman whose husband had died. It’s very grass roots. For example they have a vocational program that teaches women how to make things out of bamboo and then sell them. They also teach food preservation so that they can keep or sell what they raise. The DFW provided money to start these two programs."

How rewarding is that to know that you had a hand in making that happen?

“It’s very rewarding. I was at a point in my life where I needed something to do more than look after the home and family. I have two grown kids and two at home along with a nephew that’s staying with us. I was restless to do more with my life.”

What do you need now, besides more chapters, to further this good work?

“I’m looking for a volunteer to become a chapter development person – someone who can put leaders into place and stay connected with them. I can’t do it all by myself anymore.”

Thanks Marsha for the good work you and your members are doing and for giving us an idea of what pulls women together.

Lessons learned: A) Make education and fun core to the program. B) Give 100% of money collected to the program's focus. C) Be flexible, let women give what they can of themselves and cash.

If you’d like to start a chapter, Marsha can be reached at [email protected] or by calling 864-284-6577.      

Inside: Gather the Women with Kathe Schaaf

“What would you do on a Tuesday to gather the women of the world?"

That was the start of Gather the Women in March 2003. Over 4700 women in 72 countries responded to the initial call. Or to be more accurate, responded to their inner calling. The “Tuesday” they were referring to was a metaphor for everyday.

Just three years later, the group is 12,000 strong as GTW becomes the holding tank and keeper-of-the-flame for hundreds of other women's sites. It’s part think tank, part self-actualization and part social experiment to come up with a new organizational matrix the looks “in and out,” vs. “up and down.” (like most companies and organizations are modeled now)

“One of the most important aspects of Gather the Women is our commitment to discovering new models for effective collaboration. To fuel that creative possibility, we have gathered together in this Matrix a wonderful cross-section of Partner Organizations”.

What flame are they actually keeping?

I spoke with Kathe Schaaf in San Juan Capistrano, CA yesterday to get an idea of why Gather the Women formed and what they hope to achieve. Kathe has been a high school teacher, a director of a non-profit organization, a pyscho-therapist and con-currently one of the founders of GTW. She felt "the calling" a few years ago about the same time other women did – on 9/11. "It was more of an awareness, or knowingness that the time has come to bring more feminine attributes back into society," said Kathe. "For me I felt like 9/11 would not have happened if the mothers of the world had more influence in society... It probably goes back to when I was working with delinquent kids, if you gave them respect and something to do that had real purpose, then they didn't get in trouble. There's a part of me that feels that women are being ‘called’ to protect the world in the same way they would protect their own family. To do that,” she continued, “requires getting reacquainted with ourselves as women and then applying our 'remebered' knowledge to the greater good.”

One of Kathe’s first assignments as a founder of GTW (they don’t believe in titles) was to research as many global women’s websites as possible. What she discovered was that regardless of the country and regardless of the topic, the language these sites used was the same. “They said things like, ‘being called’, ‘the time is now’, ‘bringing forth feminine values’… it was almost like the women of the world were waking up and remembering their real role in society,” said Kathe.

Kathe admits that sounds a bit woo-wooey to some, yet women are responding to GTW regardless of political, religious or social background. Many are joining up without even knowing why. The GTW mission isn't “finished” and the direction of GTW morphs as more join in. One thing is clear, however, if Dr. Phil asked these women, "How's society working for you"? They would admit, “it isn't” and in that admission they have found a common ground to gather around. “We’re not out to change minds,” stresses Kathe, “just connect hearts and let those heartfelt connections drive change.”

GTW is a non-profit and has no membership fees. It wants to be inclusive of all women who are looking to bring ideas and balance back into society by embracing feminine values more fully, in themselves and in the community around them. LOTS of conversation is encouraged and at this point, “core principles” are used to maintain order. Like E-Bay, it’s a model that has become self-regulating.
•         We will dedicate ourselves to the belief that each of us is enough right now.
•         We will create containers that practice the form and principles of Circle, with a focus on shared leadership, shared responsibility, and shared deep listening, while evoking spirit.
•         We will be honest and share what is true about our thoughts and feelings.
•         We will aspire to be impeccable with our word, to do our very best, to take nothing for granted and to suspend our assumptions.
•         We will serve holistically – mind, body, spirit, and heart.
•         We will show gratitude and affirm each other and each women that participants in GTW.
•         We will offer freely the abilities and skills that we possess and serve from a place of shared competency.
•         We will serve as a global example of inclusivity, interdependence and diversity – valuing, appreciating and honoring all expressions of humanity and spirituality.
•         We will dedicate ourselves to showing up fully, passionate in our readiness to serve.
•         Our greatest value will be creating a place where all women can gather with the assurance their gifts will be honored.
So how is this new matrix experiment working out?

“Sitting in circles is our core way of communicating both physically and virtually - circles represent how women relate to one another naturally, we don’t gather in our homes with a panel of people in the front of the room,” explains Kathe. “Circles are one thing that won’t morph,; they are too representative of a natural order. {We've found that working with circles of 7-9 people works well for conversation. We also have decided to ‘Follow the Yes’ and see where it takes us. ‘Following the Yes’, is following the path of least resistance and not worrying about where it might lead. Since we don’t have an agenda, except to find a better model for working together, everything is a big experiment in social dynamics.”

Are any constants emerging?

“Yes, several,” reports Kathe, “All seem obvious, but then you have to ask if they are so obvious and natural then why are they not part of today’s organizational models? First, women like to talk – a lot – and the system allows for them to talk as long as they like as long as they are speaking as truthfully as they can and as long as they listen deeply when others speak. That doesn’t normally happen as today’s agendas and timelines cut conversation short. Second, we acknowledge and support a women’s need to ebb and flow with assignments. Their responsibilities on this planet are bigger than a job and those responsibilities need to be cared for with as much focus and attention as a job task. They are just as important, if not more important that the work task. For example taking care of a sick child or an elderly parent… in GTW, the women come and go from tasks without being penalized emotionally for when they need to back out.”

So how do you get anything done?

“What’s amazing is when you ‘follow the yes’ we don’t need to assign a task, the women volunteer for what they want to do and if they have to back out, then someone else slides in to takeover until they can return. If no one takes over, then that project discontinues. If it’s a key enough project, someone always steps forward to continue its mission. The system works organically and is core driven by personal commitment vs. people being told what they have to do,” says Kathe.

“It’s still early,” continues Kathe, “but I think it works because women are relationally based, yet rational. They want to contribute to something bigger than themselves and at the same time they know they have personal responsibilities that can’t be ignored. When they are working inside a system that honors both needs, they are free to be fully present in either moment. 

Any other surprises?

“We’ve noticed that whatever comes from the core… in this case our core group of founders or a core circle, that it is repeated and manifested throughout the organization. This is sort of the woo-wooey part, but just like spiral or snowflake repeats the same pattern from the core out, so goes what we are seeing from the core out. That’s why it’s imperative to keep the core as honest and true to the heart of intent as possible. Regardless of the mission that each of the organizations that we are uniting have, the guiding force, the honest truth is that we all want a peaceful, loving world that’s balanced with both male and female attributes being honored,” concludes Kathe.

Gather the Women is an organization to watch as individuals, businesses and social systems struggle to find their way in an interconnected world. The rules of social discourse are changing and live, organic groups like GTW become an example of what works naturally without money or political pressure forcing the direction. One thing for sure, these groups aren’t organizing to takeover the world, just do-over a system that no longer works.

How do you create a retail revolution? Julie Gilbert at Best Buy, Inc. is doing it one WoLF pack at a time.

“If we are loyal to each other and we bond together with other males, we can reinvent the company and the industry.” Julie Gilbert

Today’s INSIDE LOOK features Julie Gilbert, Vice President of WoLF and Entrepreneurial Initiatives at Best Buy, Inc. WoLF stands for Women’s Leadership Forum which was Julie’s personal project while she was the Vice President over Best Buy’s Premium Customer Segment. It's a networking group functioning inside the corporation.

“WoLF is a movement to develop amazing leaders,” Julie told me, “If we want to be a great place for women to shop, we have to be a great place for women to work.”

Julie is on a mission, to have Best Buy’s female employees contribute to their individual futures as well as the company’s future direction. It’s based on woman-to-woman networking and came out of her concern regarding the lack of women-to-women mentoring opportunities. Out of need and “inspiration” she created a way for Best Buy’s female employees to network, learn, and create from each other and at the same time build business for Best Buy. Her WoLF packs aren’t part of HR, marketing or sales and yet all three departments benefit from the packs. 

WoLF is a combination of building leaders who happen to be female and using their unique perspectives to turn the company into a female focused organization and serve the $55 billion female consumer electronics market. Women actually outspend men today in the consumer electronics, but the industry was built by guys for guys. As Julie says, “It’s a different world today”!

What started as a way to help women become better leaders at all levels, however, is transforming Best Buy and creating a new business model based on “real” relationships regardless of title, education or gender.

MARY: Welcome Julie, what terrific news for the women of Best Buy.

JULIE: It’s a good time for Best Buy men as well. I just received an email from a guy who is involved in WoLF and he said that he has not had such a powerful experience in his 18 year career.

MARY: This isn’t the first time you’ve connected the disconnected. I read that before you came to Best Buy that you co-created a new business at Deloitte and Touche by merging the taxation and consulting divisions.

JULIE: I was a senior manager there and noticed that the two divisions didn’t communicate with each other well. It was almost like one group was “blue” and the other “yellow.”  My interest in consulting and curiosity caused me to think of a new business opportunity that combined the two and then spent the next six years building the new business across the country.

MARY: Before this new WoLF position, what did you do at Best Buy?

JULIE: I created and led the team that created Magnolia Home Theatre, which is now the largest high-end home theatre in the world. I also co-created a venture which launched Virgin Mobile in the U.S. from a Best Buy perspective.

MARY: I’m impressed… with those two successes, I can see why you get the support that you do. I read that you have a Masters in Strategy and Marketing from Carlson School of Management and a CPA. That explains how you can identify a business opportunity and then be able to prove that it will be profitable. 

JULIE: The financial side of my brain is always thinking, “How can we make money from this”? In turn, that’s the challenge I present to the WoLF packs, to come up with ways to improve their own career and also make Best Buy more profitable. They go hand in hand.

MARY: Why WoLF? Which came first, the name or the initiative?

JULIE: The dream! No, really… I was touring Best Buy stores as part of my Premium Segment job where female employees frequently hugged me. One day, about 2 ½ years ago, I asked one why she did it. She said, “You give us hope that we can one day become you.” It made me want to help women more directly. That night I had a dream and woke up at 2 am. Growing up in South Dakota, I often heard the howls of wolves or coyotes howling in the distance during full moons. In my dream, I heard the same thing, but instead of wolves or coyotes, it was women’s voices. Inspiration struck me and I realized that each of us feel alone like a stray wolf but if we are loyal like wolves are loyal to each other, and we bond together with other males, can reinvent the company and the industry. AND we can build amazing leadership skills in the process.

MARY:  I can see why the pack structure would work, providing a place for women to speak freely and support one another is a key element in how women interact. They can’t do that inside the current business model, it’s too hierarchal in structure. When did you start WoLF and how many women are participating?

JULIE: I started it the day I had the dream, while still in my Premium Segment role. I literally launched the first WoLF pack on October 12 which was one week after my dream. In August 2005, I transitioned to do it full time. This year, we will have impacted directly more than 10,000 employees as well as thousands of people outside of Best Buy through “Community Give Backs” which is a core pillar of the program.

MARY: I know Best Buy has about 120,000 employees worldwide, so that means about 10% of Best Buy is already benefiting from the program?

JULIE: Yes ,that’s correct.  To be clear, not all 10,000 are in WoLF packs. We actually have 7 ways for both women and men to participate. The first, of course, is to be in a WoLF Pack. We have 21 packs of 27 people across the country today. Next, Community Give Backs - pack members like to volunteer time back into society. We have quarterly events across the country to ensure they have an opportunity to do that. Third, agree to be a Network Partner. They must want to mentor another WoLF anywhere in the country. It probably should go without saying that those in the packs are committed to their career at Best Buy. Part of a pack’s success is the membership longevity. It’s hard to know and support one another if you come and go quickly.

Each year we sponsor an Annual Event which we’ve been doing for 3 years – last year we had over 1700 attendees from the U.S., China and Canada. We also had 45 other companies join us as well. Next month [September] we have 1600 attending a 3 day event. Another way to participate is Just Be You.  In this, we have the first group called the Dancing Wolves which is an actual hip-hop dance group. Its purpose is to illustrate what it is like to express yourself like you should be doing in your job each day with new ideas, and just bringing your “whole self” to work. We’ve had about 300 participate so far.

Inside the WoLf packs you can be an Alpha WoLF. These are leaders of the packs and they must go through a nomination process and then be interviewed for the positions on the packs across the country. And for those who want to participate but can’t because of the size limitation on the packs, we have a Be My Guest Program. Anyone can be a guest at any of the meetings or activities.

MARY: Ok, I have to hear more about the Dancing Wolves...

JULIE: That’s kind of our fun thing that’s also instructional. You know how stupid you feel when you’re first learning to dance? You don’t know the steps and your moves are sloppy and you’re embarrassed that everyone is looking and laughing at you? Learning how to dance (for real) is also our metaphor for learning how to take on anything that you don’t feel comfortable doing - first it’s the mis-steps, then you get your footing and finally you are so confident that they can’t get you off the stage. This is a place where the women can try out their steps both literally and figuratively.

MARY: I can see why being on in a pack is both inspiring and fun. Do many apply?

JULIE: Yes. Everyone wants to be part of something that has such a positive impact and they all know what type of person we’re looking for - if they have a high career commitment, can network and giveback, we want them in the pack.

MARY: Women already do a lot of volunteering, why is it important to make it part of the pack culture?

JULIE: First, because it’s the right thing to do and second because you learn more communication and coaching skills, gain empathy - all of that makes you more human and everyone benefits.  It is this skill that will ensure they are truly great leaders—investing in other people and finding ways to help them be successful.

MARY: Other than as a guest, how do men participate?

JULIE: Men can participate in all 7 ways and do.  On Wolf Packs, Each pack has 25 women and 2 additional men for 27 total. The men have to apply and adhere to the values as well. To be honest, they are just as excited as the women to be included. It’s interesting because they get to hear the stories that women share about what it is like to enter a room and not have their hand shook and how that instantly makes them feel like an outsider. Men don’t go through that same experience, not as much, anyway. There are just enough “men” in the room to remind the women that Best Buy serves both genders, but not enough to stifle the conversation. If my emails are any reflection, like the one I mentioned earlier, being inside a WoLF Pack is a positive experience for them as well. 

MARY: How do you put the packs together? Are they all customer service people for instance?

JULIE: No, in fact that’s what we don’t want. You can’t build your career path if all you know is people on your level. The packs deliberately contain people of all rank and title. We’ve discovered that as the women talk, the rank tends to disappear. The important thing is that the women get to know each other and learn how to build out their own “network” of associates.
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MARY: Besides being personally beneficial, I can see where women customers would be more apt to patronize a Best Buy store that treats its employees with such respect. What about the business side of the pack, are the packs coming up with new Best Buy programs?

JULIE: We have innovation projects launched on the packs to reinvent the company. For example, one of the projects is a Job Share innovation pilot to build a capability where professionals in stores could share a job to ensure we keep talent that may not be able to do the full-on retail hours.

MARY: I’m sure parents appreciate that and anyone else who has to split up their personal and professional life. What about the customers, can they feel the WoLF influence yet?

JULIE: You’ve heard of the Geek Squad, right? It’s a company within Best Buy that helps customers trouble shoot their electronic problems. Recently we’ve seen where the women geeks, we call DIVAS [Dynamic Intelligent Vivacious Agents with Solutions] have turned up more business simply by being… well… women. They may be called out to a home for a computer problem, and then the homeowner feels so comfortable with them that they take them to a second electronic snafu and so on. Sometimes they even invite them to dinner.

MARY: I didn’t know the Geek Squad had women, I’ve only seen the guys in action.

JULIE: DIVAs are fairly new, but because they see things from a woman’s perspective they are uncovering issues the guys might miss. One of our Geek Agents-Kat S., was very passionate about educating parents on the risks their kids face on the Internet. [Child predators can easily find kids based on information they share freely with the emergence of sites like myspace.com and others.]  She created a brochure and training for parents so that they will be educated on this and ensure their children are safe. It's called the Internet Lingo Guide for Parents, Keep Your Kids Safe.

MARY: What a very needed idea. Did you put the information online as well?

JULIE: Yes. There was such a high demand that we put it on the front page of the Geek Squad and added other things since then. The brochure itself is in the Best Buy stores that have Personal Shopping Assistants throughout the country or what we call "Jill stores."

MARY: I’m sure you’d like to have more Geek’s (or DIVAs) like her.

JULIE: Actually we’ve partnered with many organizations to build female linkages.  One of these is Mother McAuley Liberal Arts High School in Chicago to build a pipeline of agents specifically for the Geek Squad. I guess you’d say it’s a women-helping-women program.

MARY: Really? I met some women at BlogHer that will be happy to hear that. Finding ways to encourage girls to go into technology was a big concern during the tech session. I have to admit though, that women-helping-women isn’t normally how you visualize Best Buy, are you afraid it will hurt it’s image? 

JULIE: This isn’t about marketing, it’s about changing the way all women perceive technology and helping them to do that through education and support, both as employees and consumers. It’s also about changing the way we relate to one another, and becoming better leaders through helping others be successful.  If you are an amazing leader, you can accomplish anything you wish.  The best ideas happen when people are allowed to think freely - and howl once in awhile…

MARY:  You got that right! Thank you Julie for not only leading the women of Best Buy, but defining a whole new business model for other consumer companies to follow. I have to go now,  and load up on Best Buy stock. 

For more information on Best Buy and the Women Leadership Forum email [email protected].

INSIDE: Women4Success

We’re talking with Karen Morrison, the president and CEO of Women 4 Success (www.women4success.com) It’s a small group (under 100) women, but the structure and the lessons learned from the dynamics are worth noting – especially if you’re a trying to sell into a women’s organization via word of mouth.

Karen has her Masters in clinical psychology from Pepperdine and was on her way to becoming a marriage counselor until she had her first child. At that point she needed to do something that allowed her to be a parent and a professional. “Women are the ones who generally have to restructure their time and day around the kids,” she said. “I had to be realistic and find something that would let me be a parent, use my education and also provide a living wage. I also wanted something that would provide real meaning in my life,” she continued, “Which is goal that many of our members have as well.”

Karen then did just what she tells other women to do now, she hired a coach. During that time she took a hard look at all her skills and determined that coaching others is what she wanted to do as well. She already was doing it in social services, this was just taking it a step further and back into her home. The difference between what Women4Success does and what other business training courses might do, however, is that she helps clients be successful and still have a personal life.

Mary: How did you decide to work only with women?

Karen: When I started, I wasn’t focused on women, but it evolved that way.  Men, for the most part just want an action list as to what to do next. Women have a lot more going on in their lives. They need to work through those fears and the things that overwhelmed them before they could get to the point of making a list. I discovered that my coaching style and experience just worked better with women.

Once I was into it, I found that women were hesitant to pay the high prices with one-on-one training and that’s when I started the Women4Success model which allows women to join at a low entry fee of $27 a month, It’s less than the cost of a typical networking luncheon and it is focused completely on helping them succeed.

Mary: I see that entry level members get a teleconference call once a month, tell me about that.

Karen: During that call, members can ask anything they want of myself, another coach or the group. As they get to know people on the call, they start to building up their network of people to know better at a quarterly live event or during our once a year annual retreat.

At a higher membership levels, they can have one-on-one sessions with the peers or industry experts. It’s much like having your own personal board of directors. They can participate in everything the entry level member can, but they get personalized and focused attention based on their industry.

Mary: Do women come, get their coaching and move on?

Karen: Some do, but others have told me that they come for the training and then stayed for the camaraderie. That’s why we host events, so that the women can really get to know one another and share their experiences. During an event like kayaking, they get to know each other’s weaknesses and strengths. That’s where they take off the masks. Later on, and back inside a group session, they know that it’s a safe place to tell the truth of what’s really happening in their business and life.

Mary: Is it different coaching women than men?

Karen: For one thing, women are more comfortable coming together and not staying alone. They’re already used to the concept of community and know how to operate inside of one. For them it’s a low emotional entry point as well as low cost.

Second, for them, being in a group with other women is less challenging than being in a mixed gender group. I’ve noticed that women show up more as themselves when it’s an all women group than when men are part of the mix. Here they can embrace their own ‘womanhood’. It’s more about coming as you are to learn, not coming as you aren’t to network.”
 
Mary: Who is your typical member?

Karen: Generally a sole service professional like a lawyer, web designer, realtor… those who tend to feel isolated and not have anyone to bounce ideas off of. I think the structure works for them for two reasons, first they aren’t buying coaching, they are buying what coaching will do for them and second they understand the community concept. They join to get inspiration and talk though their issues and to be told what to do next by those who have been there. There are tons of books on everything we offer, but women just want answers and they want other women who have gone down the path before to steer them.

Mary: How many chapters do you have?
Karen: We have groups of 16 and many individuals that we coach. The groups are in Orange County, Riverside County, San Diego County, Ventura County, Los Angeles County, and launching in Arizona in the fall of 2006.

Mary: How about your training sessions themselves, how do conduct them for optimal learning?

Karen: I always tell them that I won’t be lecturing for two hours, instead, I give 15-20 minutes of context and then we break into groups to share, discuss and finally do the work. Listening can be inspirational, but it does nothing to implement the idea into their life. By talking with others they come up with ideas that work, throw out the ones that haven’t worked for others and then form their own action plan.

Mary: What has held you back, if anything?

Karen: It’s one of those cons that I turned into a pro… I’m younger than most professional women, but I’ve always worked on my own. During that time I’ve been told that I’m ‘too emotional’ and yet all the success that I’ve achieved has happened because of that emotion. Now I coach others to own and use their strengths, emotional and otherwise and to show up in public as yourself. One of our members followed that advice. She thought she had to be an excellent public speaker to be a success, but she hated giving speeches. Instead, she went a route that fit her better and her business tripled. It’s about trusting yourself.

Mary: What do you do to keep the group together?

Karen: We have a monthly newsletter, through it people get to know me, my professional partners and each other. I asked one new member if she had any additional questions and she said, ‘No, I’ve read all the newsletters and I feel like I know you already.”

Mary: In closing, what would you like the readers to know that different, new or novel – something they can’t turn away from?

Karen: Wow, no pressure there… I think business owners need look for ways to break out of the superficial relationships that typify the usual networking meetings and look for ways that really show them off as people. Our networking and approach mimics how women talk to each other when no one else is watching and I think that’s why it works so well.

Mary: Thanks Karen for an insider view at a women’s group in work and play.

Lessons learned: 1) Make friends FIRST then follow with business. 2) Lead with your heart, and your soul will follow.

You may contact Karen at [email protected]. If you would like your group founder profile, contact me.

Ask Patty... how to talk to a car dealer

My thanks to Jody DeVere, for the nice review of In Women We Trust. Jody is the President of Ask Patty which is a division of CarsMagazine and is also the current President of the Woman's Automotive Association International.

In both roles, Jody hopes to eliminate the frustration women feel while buying or servicing a car. For example on August 15 at 3 p.m. EST "Ask Patty" is hosting a webinar titled, "Learn How to Communicate with Service Advisors." Presenting the information is Sandra Wingate, The President of Concept Schools an automotive dealership service advisor training school.

Sessions like this help women gain confidence by knowing what to ask and to expect before going into the dealer. The more women know about the process, they more they will trust the process (and the dealer).

INSIDE: Boomer Women Speak and the NABBW (National Association of Baby Boomer Women)

"There is peace in knowing that others trust me with their stories, and I feel comforted when others listen to mine." Dotsie Bregel, founder of Boomer Women Speak and NABBW

BACKGROUND: I'm talking to Dotsie Bregel today, who founded Boomer Women Speak approximately four years ago and the NABBW last October.  Boomer Women Speak is now the #1 website for Boomer Women. Why do women trust this site? Read on.

MARY: I like your comment featured above which is on your biography page. Is that why you started Boomer Women Speak?

DOTSIE: Sort of. I had been a stay at home mom and took the job seriously and did lots of volunteer work and then learned that my Mom had six months to live. I dropped all volunteer work to help care for Mom. Then after her death I experienced a real valley not only was she gone, but my kids were growing up and I was facing the empty nest. I had always dedicated myself to  my family and I knew I needed to do reinvent myself for the next stage.

MARY: How old were you when you started?

DOTSIE: Oh, I was about 43 when I got the idea and then I worked developing for about a year before I launched the site. It will be four year’s old October 31, 2006. We're really talking about two different sites, the original site was www.boomerwomenspeak.com and that was designed to give women a voice and a place for their collective stories. Due to the success of BWS, I launched the NABBW – the National Association for Baby Boomer Women. Which is membership based and only 7 months old.

MARY: What’s the difference between the two sites?

DOTSIE: Boomer Women Speak is a virtual home for boomer women to share their personal stories both in the forums and/or in the Our Voices section. There are also pages of books, resources and links for midlife women. It's free to anyone who wants to participate. The Association [NABBW] educates and empowers women at midlife. Of course we won’t always be at midlife since we’ll be growing older, but the intention is to always keep our generation informed.

MARY: How’s the NABBW doing?

DOTSIE: It’s doing very well. Last month we processed 60 new members. That’s pretty good considering that it’s only been online for seven months. It takes time for people to recognize your credibility and I hadn’t started publicizing it until it hit the six month mark. 

MARY: What’s the participation level of Boomer Women Speak?

DOTSIE: We’re getting anywhere from 1-1.6 million hits to the site each month depending upon the advertising we do each month.

MARY: Do you keep track of how many women are participating in the forums?

DOTSIE: Currently about 1800 women have registered for the forums.

MARY: You got into this to give midlife women a voice, do you feel you’ve accomplished that or has it changed and gone into a new direction?

DOTSIE: I definitely give a generation of women a voice on Boomer Women Speak. You can read our stories in the Our Voices section that begin with our childhood and take you through our second adulthood. You will also find over 60 forums where women correspond hourly about the same topics we discuss with our sisters and girlfriends. The forum also allows for daily correspondence between the participants.

MARY: What has been your biggest surprise so far?

DOTSIE: I think the biggest surprise is the number of women who want to share information - that there is such a need for women wanting to connect. Our mothers talked over back fences and our generation doesn’t have that opportunity. I think there are a lot of women who just want to run their story by someone else and ask “How does this sound to you”? Do you have any advice for me?” There’s a sounding board inside this virtual community which connects and encourages baby boomer women.

MARY: Why do you think women need to do that?

DOTSIE: I think it’s just another way of getting together. Technology today allows us to communicate differently. This proves that boomers are interested and up to date in terms of technology.

MARY: Do you find you have large concentrations by regions?

DOTSIE: Primarily it’s heavy with the East and West coast but I think we now have someone from every state. We also have women from other countries.  They share similar experiences concerning issues of children, work, and caring for our parents. And that’s nice to see too, that we have more similarities than differences even though we are in different parts of the world. I received stories from women around the world. They are just as heart felt. I could be talking to a next door neighbor about the same issues. One woman learned she was pregnant again later in life. She was struggling with the decision to either stay at home, or take the big promotion she had just received. She was from Australia.

MARY: I’ve been following the blog conversation between the stay at home moms and working moms, are you seeing the two groups forming on your site?

DOTSIE: What I am trying to promote is supporting of one another. When I was a stay at home mom, people often looked down on me because I wasn’t climbing the corporate ladder with the rest of the boomer gals. There were certainly days I would have liked to walk out the dorr to go to work. I also know friends who worked who would have given anything to stay home for a few days. I’d like to see us accept each other where we are, then we’ll all be more peaceful.

MARY: I think that is happening as more women talk to each other and realize that they aren’t alone in their issues. In a way it gives them permission to talk more.

DOTSIE: That’s why I launched the boomer women speak site because I didn’t want women to feel alone. It’s interesting when women finally say what’s really going on in their life and then others in the group tell them “I’m so glad you said that, I feel the same way.” I think there is a solidarity that happens when you share stories.

MARY: Have you had men participate?

DOTSIE: We’ve had a few who come in and post on the site, but we had to tell them, “We’re sorry, but you’re not welcome here.” It’s funny because men could be reading the forum and I’m sure they are, but they don’t actually interact. The women really don’t like men in the forum because it changes the dynamic. A couple men have said that they need to start a boomer  men speak and that’s great, but I don’t know if men would be as open to share as women do.

MARY: I see that you partnered with the National Association of Women Writers is that your only partner site?

DOTSIE: I have tons of other associations on the site, but I know the founder of NAWW personally and I really value the way Sheri' McConnell runs her association. Besides, writing is an extension of hearing what women have to say.  In the future I do plan to partner more with other organizations; it’s definitely something that I’m interested in.

MARY: For other women who might want to form an association, how did you set this one up?

DOTSIE: I used $30,000 of my own money to launch it. Currently my office is in a wing of my home. My husband, who was my high school sweetheart, is very supportive as are my children who are 17, 18 and 21. They are all home this summer, which makes it very busy around here. When they all leave this fall, then that’s when the real empty nest hits, but I now have my heart and passion into this and it has given me new purpose.

MARY: What kinds of businesses have taken an interest in you? What will you accept and what will you steer away from when it comes to advertising or partnering?

DOTSIE: Well, I’m a Christian so I am interested in partnering with other Christian sites but they don't have to be Christian based. If it’s something that doesn’t fit well with my faith, then I might steer away from it. If someone submits information, we take a hard look at their site and make sure it doesn’t represent a topic that we can’t support. For example, we had a site on witchcraft which we turned away, but in general we’re open to anything that is positive and educational for our group. It’s my site and I have to believe in what I’m supporting. In my bio it does state that I’m a Christian, but that’s the only place it’s said. I don’t believe in being so evangelical that you turn people away. I’d rather let my personality and words speak for my faith.

MARY: You can’t fake who you are and it looks like you’ve struck a good balance.

DOTSIE: I’ve had some people tell me that it’s too Christian centered, but I can’t help if that’s who’s attracted to the site. People like to be with those who are more in line with who they are. That’s just the way it is and I can’t change that. I do have a forum that’s for “spirituality” which is designed to be inclusive of all walks of life.

MARY: What else would you like people to know?

DOTSIE: I guess I would like your readers to know about the benefits of joining the NABBW. It’s like a magazine. We offer an ezine that’s just full of information for women at midlife. We support business women as well. We might have a section on how to increase traffic to your website and then the next month have information on male menopause. NABBW is for the "whole women." And just to differentiate the sites again, Boomer Women Speak is all about women personal stories from birth to now. The NABBW is really about educating and empowering women to help them get through midlife and the years beyond.

I also would like them to know that women like to help women and we enjoy encouraging each other and we’re not worried about other women taking our ideas. I know that there are competitive women, but I have to say that overall, we’re in it for the sisterhood. I find the same thing at another local networking group that I belong to. People do what they can to buy each  other’s products or promote each other’s business. Women are just great about spreading the word. I just think that we’re networkers by nature.

MARY: I agree. Thank you Dotsie, for your insights into why both of your groups are growing. Reading between the lines, business can learn a lot about how to increase their female customer base using the same personal attention that you applied. Congratulations on a great #1 site.

WHAT BUSINESS CAN LEARN FROM DOTSIE:                                                                                    - Embrace ideas, not diplomas.
- Women need to connect. Encourage women to talk, but stay out of their way.
- Be willing to be authentic even if it means losing members or customers.
- Dedicate yourself to women and they’ll dedicate themselves to you.

OPPORTUNITY:
Dotsie is looking for more positive companies and associations to partner with. Contact her if you have an idea.

INSIDE WOMEN'S GROUPS is a series focused on the founders of womens' organizations which were started within the last 10 years. Would you like your organization profiled? Contact me.